100 Days of Yoga, Day 51

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October 11, 2012 by blogmasterjdeam

Last night I had a huge awakening moment.  As I was drifting off to sleep it struck me: for all these years I’ve been hiding from myself, afraid to let the real me show.  Why?  Because I have been pretending to be someone else.  It is what the world can do to us sometimes: toughen up our exterior in order for us to survive.  But then what happens is the interior starts to think that exterior is who we really are.  I realized last night, it is not who I really am.

Looking in the mirror, I can see I am this body, and intellectually, I can know I am this personality.  But what I see in the mirror is just an illusion, like that movie where aliens came to earth and put on costumes to make themselves look like people.  And my intellect is my ego.  What I really am is a spark of light, arrived here to give love and be loved.   And then I realized, that’s what we all are — these amazing beings of light.

Through the process of being born and becoming part of the world, the ego must get developed.  As part of our ego development, we take on specific roles.  And then somehow in the process, I became my role/ego (daughter, student, wife, mother, accountant, yoga teacher, board member, etcetera,) and completely forgot what I really was, which was not what I was doing.  In other words: I had stopped being and started doing.  Quite a sleight of hand.

When we begin to come awake, the ego, which doesn’t serve our highest good, as well as the roles we’ve taken on, start to get peeled away and we are left with just the light.  By the time we are down to the last layer of the onion, we are free of life’s obligations, and hopefully, free of the illusion that we are the roles we’ve chosen.

In order to navigate our way here on the earth, we must construct this ego machine which makes us into a “grown up.”  We go around doing the grown up stuff, but eventually we must dismantle the ego machine in order to realize we are NOT the machine.  AND, sometimes we hang on to the machine because we have forgotten we are beings of light with an end game.

I can see now, that being of light was there all along — it is the real me.  I no longer need to hide it, or hide from it.  This other stuff, this ego, these roles, are NOT the real me.  They are just different clothing I put on in order to navigate my way through life.  How did I get so confused?

As an aside, (at least I hope it is an aside,) I also thought about the skein module, a/k/a Alexander polynomial.  I had no idea what it was, so I got up and wrote it down, that way I could remember to look it up in the morning.  I told Mike about it and he said it might be time to get out of here (the Northwoods) or for me to take up drinking.

Here is a wonderful guided meditation by Jack Kornfield:

If you are interested in learning meditation, I recommend Jack Kornfield.  His introductory CD: Meditation for Beginners, can be found in many locations: Sounds True or Amazon, to name two.

Here is another great video about Jim Carrey and his Awakening:

Yours in love and light, Chris


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