November 15, 2012 by blogmasterjdeam
I did an experiment yesterday: I tried to be the “old” me. In other words, the me I was before venturing on this path. I tried to take things personally, I tried to hedge the truth in order to be liked or approved of, I tried to give unsolicited advice, I tried to judge, I tried to criticize, I tried to feel all victim-y, I tried to control. In short, I tried to go back to sleep.
I am happy to report, it felt like shit. I really can’t not know what I know. I have learned we all have a veil through which we view life. Lifting that veil and seeing it isn’t the truth is damn difficult. Admitting we even have flaws is difficult. In discovering this in myself, I can now see it in others and know that even though someone is very, very sure about being absolutely right about something, it is nearly impossible to consider there could be two rights or that we could actually be wrong. We could be looking at something through our own filter and believing it to be the truth.
Now I consider, when I hear a judgment, or a differing opinion, or a meanness, that we are all just simply where we are. I have learned it isn’t “them” or “they” it is WE. We go around thinking we are separate from one another. I can see now: I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together … The Beatles had it down a long time ago. Many people have had it down a long time ago, but we all have to get it on our own, in our own way. It can’t be taught, it can only be experienced.
I have found there are no magic pills. The work we do on ourselves can only be done by us. We have to be willing to put in the time, pain and effort in order to clean up our acts and get it right, and once we do, we get to see … Well, I guess that it up to you what you get to see. For me, I get to see I am here to learn how to love, perfectly. If my life is filled with drama, chaos, anger, misery – all the negative shit, I won’t see the love. Pretty simple stuff.
When my life is less than happy, I have to own that. It is always on me. There is never anyone else to blame. I am 100% completely responsible for my own happiness, or unhappiness. If we are unhappy, we are getting something out of it.
How do we want to live this one precious life?
Yours while in earth school, Chris