November 20, 2012 by blogmasterjdeam
The time has come to pull all I’ve learned together. What has become obvious to me is that change comes slowly and in small increments. Knowing what needs to change and actually changing it are two different things.
But before I can do any of that I must do the very difficult task of accepting myself just as I am. I finally get that I am worthy of happiness. I know I have often sabotaged myself because I believed I didn’t deserve to be happy. I have watched others do this in regard to money, but I couldn’t see the connection to happiness, or any other trait. These primitive beliefs are so deeply buried, I believe it takes a practice like this, and there are many from which to chose, in order to understand where the idea comes from, and then how to fix it.
I can look into many sets of eyes and know I am loved, but until I can look into the mirror and love myself, I won’t see the love coming from others. And, just as importantly, I won’t be able to honestly return that love. I must sound like a broken record at this point: you can’t give what you don’t have.
There is no more fooling myself regarding this path. I know where I stumble, but I also know how to fix it. There will always be situations where I have a choice about whether or not to fall back into old patterns. If I can keep the ego at bay, and let the Witness be the director, I think I can pull through.
This, again, is where the Witness comes into play. If I am stepping outside myself, watching how I go about the business of life, rather than getting caught in the drama, I can witness the drama and choose my role. In other words, the ego/do-er can do its job without getting stuck in all the muck. It is the choice between be-ing and do-ing. Being the Witness doesn’t mean I get to just sit around and watch someone else work. I, too, have work to do. The manner in which I do the work is what is important to me. I am not my job, it is just something I do to make money.
As a parent lovingly teaches a child how to navigate through life, I must re-teach myself, with the knowledge I’ve attained, the same basic principals.
Yours while working toward radical self-acceptance, Chris